Mom on the Frontlines: Time Warp

My column on Westport Patch today:

"I was going to go to the beach last weekend, to enjoy the crazy warm weather, until my neighbor reminded me that I needed a beach sticker. Say what?

Sure enough, Saturday was May 1^st.

It's May? Then someone else mentioned that school gets out in six weeks. That really threw me. How is it possible that another year has flipped by already? It seems not long ago at all that last summer was wrapping up and the kids were picking out backpacks and lunch boxes. I know to them the past year was probably an eternity, but to me it passed in a moment.

There was so much I was going to get done this past school year: Tackle those photo albums, sort through the kids' old schoolwork, organize that mess of an art cabinet. Haven't gotten to much of it yet.

Is it just me, or does it seem like as we get older, time speeds up? It's adding insult to injury.

I've heard a few explanations for this time warp phenomenon. The first is that if you're, say, 35, a year in your life is proportionally smaller than a year when you're 5. It's just 1/35^th of your life, as opposed to 1/5^th, so it seems faster. Makes sense.

Another rationale is that when we have repeated experiences that aren't all that different from ones we've had before (like, say Christmas at the parents' or summers at the beach) our brain doesn't take much note of them. It says, in effect, "Yeah, yeah. Beach, pool, camp. Already got all that stored away. No need to think about it again."

Completely new experiences, however, make a bigger impression on the brain and it stocks away new memories. Looking back on it, those new experiences won't feel like they evaporated into thin air the same way repeated events do.

So maybe the way to put a stop to this whole disturbing time issue is to take up a radical, memory-jarring hobby. BASE jumping, anyone?

Here are a few other things that have happened lately that make me feel, well, old:

-- Aghast at how fast kids grow, I've caught myself saying things like: "I can't believe how big you are! The last time I saw you, you were this tall!" I've turned into that annoying lady already?

-- I had to explain to my kids that when I was young, we didn't have computers at home. I wrote school papers on this antiquity called… a typewriter. They looked at me like I am, myself, an artifact.

--Later, my daughter asked me – with a straight face – if cars had been invented when I was born. Thanks, kid.

--I caught the Hansen brothers on TV. Those little boys who sang "Mmmbop" a few years back – are now married and have kids. A lot of kids.

--Maybe worst of all, next weekend is my 20^th college reunion. When I first got the invitation, I was certain someone had made a grave mathematical error. Must be the 10 year reunion. 15, tops. But no, it appears they were correct. I'm hoping that if I don't go, it won't count.

I know I'm railing against the wind here, I just wish I could do something to slow this ride down a bit. There is one consolation if the BASE jumping doesn't do the trick. I can always go into Fresh Market where they card me when I buy beer. Ah, I get a big smile on my face every time I'm asked for my license. Me? Under 21? You're too kind.

Just don't tell me that they card everyone, please."